NO DEBIERA SER

Hace dos años nos tocaba esperar a que venga Leticia, a la una del mediodía, que es la nueva fisioterapeuta que contraté para Cuca.
Era el primer día que vino y también la primera vez que en bastantes años mi esposa iba a recibir rehabilitación para su enfermedad "Esclerosis Múltiple".
No es barato, en absoluto, y mucha gente no se lo puede permitir a domicilio, ni tan siquiera en la clínica la mayoría de las veces, por lo que tienen que reclamar una y otra vez para que el neurólogo le autorice el tratamiento.

Tendría que ser una atención fija, continuada, asequible para quien no tiene medios, y no es así.

En este supuesto país que atiende a sus enfermos, que dicen gozan de la mejor Sanidad, ni tan siquiera llevan una estadística de enfermos de esclerosis, como tampoco la llevan de otras dolencias crónicas como la Hepatitis C, por ejemplo.

Es seguro que en muchos lugares, infinidad, todo estará peor que aquí. Lo que enfurece y enfada es que de continuo nos digan una y otra vez que nuestra atención sanitaria es de las mejores del mundo.
Y yo me pregunto, ¿que no es en España lo mejor del mundo?, por que la frase es de continuo.

El mejor vino del mundo, el mejor clima, la mejor sanidad del planeta, el mayor índice de vida, el mayor porcentaje de trasplantes del universo, el mejor aceite que se cultiva en el globo, la vida mas alegre y animada de todos los países conocidos, los mejores trenes, AVE, de Europa y resto de naciones desarrolladas, el metro suburbano mas adelantado y moderno que se conoce, el mejor Jamón Pata Negra, las mejores guitarras que se fabrican, los mejores equipos de futbol del universo deportivo. 

La lista sería interminable, y cansa escuchar de continuo lo buenos y maravillosos que somos en todo.

Pues va a ser que no.

Que no es así, que no me lo creo en absoluto, por lo poco que he viajado veo que en algunas facetas somos de lo peor del mundo desarrollado.

Y ya no es de recibo ese bombardeo publicitario machacón y repetitivo de lo adelantadas y modélicas que son las instituciones en este país llamado España.

Pides cita para el especialista y te la dan en meses, solicitas atención para problemas específicos de enfermedades crónicas y tardan años en dártela tras rellenar innumerables documentos y presentando certificados de toda índole.
Leyes a tutiplén que no se cumplen, cansancio generalizado ante barreras administrativas que no cesan.

No se vive tan bien ni la atención es tan maravillosa. Si tienes dinero, en cantidad, la vida puede ser realmente buena. Como en cualquier otro sitio, supongo y de hecho algunas veces he pensado marcharme a cualquier otro lugar mas civilizado y democrático que este.

Pero, ¿cual?, y teniendo en cuenta mi edad y circunstancias personales no es posible, están verdes como decía la zorra al no alcanzar las uvas, por tanto mi actitud debiera ser simplemente creerme que lo que escucho de continuo es cierto. Que este es un país de maravilla, que todo funciona a la perfección, que nuestra Sanidad es la mejor, que estamos atendidos mejor imposible.

Para que seguir, hoy estoy contento pues Cuca recibirá atención y cabreado por que la he tenido que buscar y pagar personalmente.

el gatufo

QUIEN ES LIBRE

Quien esté libre de haber vivido un sentimiento de bondad, ese que nos hace sentir mejores, a gusto con nosotros mismos y que siempre es  fruto de nuestro envanecimiento al crecer el ego por sentirnos generosos o solidarios, quien esté libre repito de estas vivencias y no haya cometido infinidad de tonterias o estupideces que alce la mano.

A veces nuestra gilipollez o tonteria bonachona no tiene límites.
Nos agrada sentirnos compasivos, buena gente, es un sentimiento que llena nuestro espiritu de agradables sensaciones y nos impide ver lo idiotas que podemos llegar a ser.

Y es que cuantas veces confundimos los halagos con la sinceridad, el pasa manos con la honestidad, las huecas manifestaciones de afecto con sincero cariño, y así seguimos por meses, años, hasta que el globo hace plaf, y despertamos de nuestro estupido e irreal sueño.

No somos mejores, somos idiotas envanecidos por nuestra supuesta bondad con personas que en realidad no lo merecen.

Y con buenas palabras, halagos, penas, lloros y otras historias, nos mueven a hacer cosas que objetivamente jamás hubieramos hecho en circunstancias normales.

La soledad, necesidad, o carencia de afecto conduce a las personas que lo sufren a cometer autenticos disparates.
Unos legan sus bienes a quienes con halagos pareciera que les quieren, les visitan, les adulan o los cuidan esperando ser recompensados con creces.
Los asilos y hospitales estan llenos de ancianos solitarios que agradecen la mas minima muestra de amor, real o aparente, quien puede saberlo en su situacion y dejan su dinero a quien se lo ha trabajado a conciencia, con avaricia disimulada y falsos afectos.

No todos obran de forma artera, hay buenas gentes que si merecen ser recompensados por haber dedicado mucho de su tiempo a visitar, cuidar y consolar ancianos desprotejidos.
Hay de todo, afortunadamente, aunque siempre hay que tener la debida cautela que suele ser dificil en una mente debilitida por la edad.

Cuando se despierta a la realidad las consecuencias son desconfianza, pena, insatisfacción propia por ser un iluso o un ingenuo, y en muchos caso perdida de un dinero confiado o prestado sin ninguna garantia.

¿Quien no ha cometido en su vida algún craso error de esta índole?.
Yo desde luego los he cometido, no estoy libre de sentirme un "estupido confiado" y a nadie puedo pedir responsabilidades por haberlo sido.

Durante algunos días me repito una y otra vez "pero que tonto estupido has sido", aprende gili, cuantas tonterias has venido haciendo hasta justo hace un par de meses por el simple hecho de creerte mejor de lo que en realidad eres.
No eres mejor, casi nadie es mejor, somos vanidosos y propensos a dejarnos engatusar por melosas palabras de un afecto que en realidad no existe, nunca ha existido, pero es tan bonito sentirse querido aunque nos falseen ese sentimiento.

Y es que no tenemos remedio, somos propensos al roroneo meloso en nuestros oidos y a sentirnos queridos.

Ilusos.

A veces se aprende perdiendo, y afortunado siempre es quien no pierde más de lo que pueda soportar, y en mi caso puedo. Espero aprender, aunque me permito dudarlo.

Ciento y una vez se tropieza en la misma piedra,  "la vanidad"

el gatufo

TODO CAMBIA

Que queda de la persona que fuimos cuando han pasado cuarenta años?
Nos obstinamos a veces de que todo siga igual, de que los sentimientos sigan imperturbables, de que los amigos de la juventud o de la niñez sigan siendo amigos, y de lo que nos ilusionaba hace mucho tiempo siga ilusionándonos igual que cuando críos nos ilusionaba cualquier cosa.

Por que por la mente pasan tan pocos años aparentemente, y en realidad han pasado de veras.

Somos tan estúpidos como para no darnos cuenta que nada es ya igual que cuando teníamos quince, veinte u ocho años.
O cualquier otra edad en realidad, bastan diez años o menos para que todo cambie.

Al menos yo me empeño en que los sentimientos continúen imperturbables y es una ilusión vana. Hasta me lo llego a creer, no obstante hay días en que te das cuenta que vives rodeado de una ilusión que no es real.

Hoy es uno de esos días.

Todo ha cambiando dentro y fuera de uno mismo. El cambio es lento, imperceptible pero se va produciendo sin que nos demos cuenta ni tan siquiera de un año para otro.

El cuerpo cuando ya empieza a decaer si que lo nota, y cada vez mas rápido según somos adultos, mayores, pero la mente?.
Parece que solo la demencia senil, el Parkinson, o el Alzheimer cambia el cerebro de las gentes y nada hay mas lejos de la realidad.

Es de ilusos, y yo lo soy, pensar que somos la mismas personas de antaño, que los amigos siguen siendo amigos y en otros casos, no el mio, que el amor perdura.
Digamos que si perdura se va transformado y la amistad es una vana ilusión de antaño.

Quizás hoy me doy cuenta de ello, tiene que pasar algo que te abra los ojos y te haga ser consciente de que nada es ya igual.

En fin, no deseo ser pesimista, a veces los cambios no son para peor. Se viven otras situaciones diferentes y las ilusiones varían, igual que las personas, y cuando sucede algo bueno/triste o como queráis llamarlo te das cuenta de que tu mismo ya no eres el que eras, que esa persona que considerabas amante, amigo, ya no lo es porque ha cambiado igual que tu mismo.

No somos piedras que tardan cientos de años en ser pulidas, nosotros nos vamos puliendo, cambiando, deteriorando mucho mas aprisa. 

 

gatufo

DIAS SEMEJANTES

Un día como como hoy años ha hacía calor. 

Tanto como para estar harto del verano. Y no podía más.

Tenías trabajo entonces?. Que pregunta, estoy retirado solo he venido cuidando de mi mismo, de Cuca y de mi gato "El Gatufo" durante los últimos años. 

Me encontraba muy cansado y mi cabeza bullía de preguntas sin respuesta.

Aunque si que podría haber recuerdos del pasado si escribiera notas

de mis vivencias, y si, puedo aprender algo de ellas cuando de vez en cuando las releo.

Pero sobre el año pasado no necesito notas, todo sigue inmutable dentro de mi cabeza, de mi alma, o como quiera llamar a los recuerdos.

No escribo para el futuro, nadie lo conoce afortunadamente, pero si para que el pasado me sirva de alguna enseñanza.

A veces lo es, o simplemente me sirve de desahogo, justo lo que estoy haciendo ahora.

Días y días todos semejantes  que no han dejado recuerdo alguno a no ser que vivas tiempos de soledad, desgracia o sufrimiento, esos días no se borran y forman parte de tus vivencias.

En esos momentos es cuando se necesita escribir, y yo no lo hacía pues no tenía ganas en absoluto de releer o ponerme a escribir.

Para que o para quien?.

Soy así, la normalidad se amontona y no deja recuerdos, solo la desdicha, el dolor o el gozo deja vestigios en mi o en tu memoria, los suficientes para recordar que sufría/as, éra/s afortunado o simplemente te sentías vivo o con ganas de seguir la lucha cotidiana.

El año pasado mucha gente estaba tan cansada o mas que yo, no podía mas de tanto sufrimiento, sin trabajo, sin casa, sin futuro. Muchos no soportaron más y se fueron.

Tomaron la decisión de marcharse para siempre y dejar de sufrir la incertidumbre de seguir vivos.

Y ahora es como si nada hubiera pasado, quien los recuerda?.

Grecia, Italia, España por mencionar algún país, desde donde se fueron los que ya no soportaban más y pusieron fin a todo, incluida su vida. 

¿Quien los recuerda?. Es como si nunca la desesperación hubiera existido, no escribieron, no hay registro de su angustia, un día se fueron y ya está.

Causó extrañeza su decisión, una nota en el periódico si acaso, y que pena....nada más.

NO es mi caso, no tenía esos motivos en absoluto, pobres lo que se fueron, ellos SI tenían motivos de sobra para su desesperación.

Yo si recuerdo septiembre del año pasado, y no es  por lo escrito, no escribí nada y es justo por por eso, por la ausencia de registros escritos ante la desesperación cotidiana un día y otro más.

Un momento, con quien hablo, tu que preguntas quien eres?.

Tu conciencia, o tu interior como quieras llamarlo.

Si es así, entonces seguiré no hablo para nadie, solo para mi mismo o para quien desee leer esto, no serán demasiados pues no nos gustan las tristezas ajenas, menos las nuestras.

Cuando consulto este Blog veo que en Septiembre del 2012 no escribí nada, ni una nota, igual sucedió en Octubre, pero previamente en Agosto solo hice una entrada, y en Julio hice tres relativas a los Juegos Olímpicos de Londres.

Esta significativa ausencia de comentarios resulta mas elocuente sobre lo que me ocurría hace un año que ningún otro relato que pudiera haber escrito entonces.

El sufrimiento interno persiste cuando miro hacia atrás, tardará en borrarse cuando uno piensa que se mueres, o cuando deseas hacerlo como prioridad ante el cansancio de no tener esperanzas ni cura a tu depresión.

Cuantas veces he iniciado esta especie de memoria?, tres o cuatro?, por lo menos, y ya es raro pues no inicio, escribo directo y ya está, sale sin más. 

Ya habrá tiempo de releer y corregir.

Para los que se fueron no hay palabras ya. Como hojas secas y marchitas les arrastró el huracán desatado por una crisis incompresible para tanta gente.

Solo los que siguen sufriendo, o los que tienen memoria pueden recordar lo que fue el verano pasado, el año pasado, este año que continua como si nada de lo sucedido hubiera acabado con las esperanzas e ilusiones de millones de personas barridas por la llamada crisis.

Yo lo único que puedo recordar es que estaba bien jodido de verdad.

Quince kilos menos, sin defensas, una anemia brutal, me faltaban fuerzas para andar diez minutos seguidos, Rodeado de espectros cuando salía a la calle, parecidos a mi algunos, otros pirados por la bebida, el paro o la desesperación de no tener nada y así un mes seguido de otro.

Por estas fechas una gran depresión motivada por el estado físico calamitoso de este sujeto que soy o era yo mismo.

Abril, Mayo, Junio, Julio, Agosto, Septiembre, Octubre, Noviembre y Diciembre del 2012, notas en este blog 18 en total.

Inexistente en realidad, tal y como estaba yo. 

Inexistente igual que muchos otros, lo peor es que ellos/ellas si dejaron de existir.

En mi caso sigo, escribo, mas que nunca, la misma persona y escribe como un poseso. 910 notas de mayo a septiembre, con esta 911.

Que ha cambiado?.

Exteriormente poco, el mismo o parecido calor, la misma persona pero con 15 kilos más, con valores sanguíneos adecuados y SIN DEPRESIÓN.

Somos como masilla, un laboratorio inexplicable del que pensamos tenemos el control.

Y NO, no tenemos el control.

Si lo tuviéramos muchos de los que se fueron podría leer esto, su vida hubiera cambiado, quizás a mejor, como la mía.

Quien tuvo el control en mi caso?

No lo se, acaso DIOS?.

Prefiero creer que si, que EL me salvó para hacer justo lo que hago. Pregonar, denunciar, animar, en definitiva escribir.

el gatufo

CURAR HERIDAS

Heridas propias o ajenas, pero es necesario restañarlas para intentar curar nuestra alma, nuestro espíritu o quizás simplemente nuestra mente o la estabilidad que nos mantiene cuerdos día tras día.

Hemos sufrido, hicimos daño, nos lo han hecho, por lo cual debemos curar al amigo del perjuicio afectivo que le causamos y haciéndolo también curaremos nuestra conciencia y ganaremos en salud y tranquilidad.

No es fácil ni sencillo, pero lo bien que uno se queda cuando sin preámbulos damos un paso al frente, mandamos un mail, hacemos una llamada, o subimos a pedir disculpas por nuestro error, por el daño causado, por la incomprensión generada por una actitud incomprensible de nuestra parte.

La herida se enquista, la incomodidad crece dentro de nosotros y ya ni nos atrevemos a mirar o encontrarnos con esa persona a la que hicimos daño y que al final confundimos causa o efecto pensando que nuestra actitud era justificada y preferimos pensar en otra cosa.





Nunca vamos a curar el alma pensando que la razón está siempre de nuestra parte. 
No sirve tratar de pasar página y pensar en otra cosa, la culpa corroe, la incomprensión propia se acrecienta y al final desarrollamos  un corazón de piedra incapaz de sentir empatía hacia los demás, hacia el amigo, hacia nuestro vecino, nuestro compañero de trabajo, hacia nuestra pareja.

La vida del solitario nunca llegará a ser plena, siempre le faltará la sensación de ser útil, de sentir amor, de entregarse, pedir perdón, solicitarlo, otorgarlo, ser amado.

Hagamos el esfuerzo y pongámonos en el lugar del otro, veremos entonces sus razones, comprenderemos mejor sus sentimientos, veremos como y cuando le ofendimos, entonces ha llegado el momento de pedir perdón. 

Decirle lo siento, entiendo tus razones y quizás así el pueda entender mejor las tuyas y la paz, el sosiego producido al reconocer nuestro error o nuestra falta de empatía, haga el milagro de curar nuestra alma, volveremos a sentirnos en paz con nosotros mismos y habremos mejorado como personas capaces de reconocer sus errores.


Con amor.

el gatufo

LA HUIDA

 

Huyamos lejos de todo

Todo va bien o mejor, millones de españoles y extranjeros han aprovechado la semana santa para generar caja en hoteles, restaurantes, gasolineras, autopistas, chiringuitos de playa, y de paso crear miles de puestos de trabajo instantáneos que se esfumaran tan pronto pase la ola de ciudadanos ansiosos por salir de sus casas, de su rutina, de aguantarse mutuamente dentro de cuatro paredes harto conocidas.

No importa aguantar cientos de kilómetros de caravana, sufrir los rigores del tiempo que nunca es previsible. Te asfixias, te congelas o te calas hasta los huesos.

Este año ha habido suerte y todos estamos contentos pues el clima ha respondido con días de sol, temperaturas agradables y millones de desplazados llenando las arcas vacías de los lugares ansiosos por recibirlos.

Vamos a la playa, a la montaña, al apartamento, a New York, 
Italia, o cualquier lugar en el que podamos olvidarnos de la pesadez cotidiana de aguantarnos en casa, en la oficina, en el trabajo, cuando lo hay, o simplemente sumergirnos en un ambiente distinto que nos propicie un ansiado y efímero cambio.

Cuatro días de descanso en los que el ansia general es huir, escapar, evadirse, viajar, o visitar aquel lugar que tenemos siempre pendiente de ver.
Los menos son los que efectivamente descansan quedándose en su sitio, no escapando, simplemente paseando por calles y parques vacíos en los que reina el silencio.

Los edificios  quedan deshabitados y los cacos hace su agosto.

En el mío por ejemplo de once vecinos hemos permanecido en casa a lo sumo dos, y si en algún momento los dos coincidimos en salir de paseo justo en ese lapso de tiempo el edificio permanece absolutamente vacío a merced de cualquier evento inesperado.

Antaño se disparaba la alarma de alguna fábrica u oficina y permanecía sonando durante los cuatro días del merecido descanso de sus trabajadores.

¿Cuantos edificios habrán quedado sin sus habitantes?.
Difícil de imaginar aunque supongo que muchos, demasiados, demostrando la general estupidez de un huida masiva huyendo de la rutina cotidiana que nos empuja hacia cualquier parte.

Por necesidad me toco estar en un lugar de playa durante cuatro años mientras construían mi casa. De ciento cincuenta mil habitantes durante el invierno se pasaban repentinamente a millón y medio en semana santa.

Un alfiler que cayera de punta sobre la playa no se clavaria en la arena, lo haría en la carne de algún bañista o a lo sumo en su toalla.
Un auténtico infierno que duraba seis o siete días y del que deseaba evadirme como fuera. 
La solución siempre era hacer compra para ocho o diez días y no pisar un comercio ni por supuesto la orilla del mar en los cuatro días álgidos de invasión masiva.

Cuando llovía daba pena ver a tantísima gente desorientada, sin saber que hacer, refugiándose en algún bar y mirando el cielo por ver si escampaba.
No habrían estado mejor en sus casa, me preguntaba, sin hallar una respuesta razonable.


Se fomenta e interesa que todos salgan, que gasten, que se genere consumo masivo.
Dicen que así la economía crece, los trabajos (efímeros) aumentan y luego te apabullan con cifras de llenos al ciento por ciento.

Maravilloso, medito o pienso, que bien se está en casa, en mi ciudad, paseando por parques desiertos o aparcando donde a uno le venga en gana y ver una buena película sin ningún agobio multitudinario.


el gatufo

ANY ONE DAY (Story) first

Keep falling branches of old trees or young, killing people walking below, and have even begun to fall suddenly whole trees, without any explanation to this phenomenon as disturbing. 

Nobody knows why, unexplained collapse as if infarction were, but the trees have no heart, you ?. 

Huge pine fall unceasingly here, there, and the sound is continuous, overwhelmed, that's going people who witness these tremendous facts of Nature wonder that it destroys itself. 

It is a prelude of what is to come ?. It will be our world will end well, first falling trees, a few others there and each passing day pandemic consuming arboreal environment extends here. 

In cities and towns the mayors do not know what to do, try to reassure its neighbors saying that they have reviewed the fallen and are apparently healthy, which still is much more disturbing. 
Healthy? Question worldwide, as they will be healthy if they fall swoon to the ground and kill everyone who caught underneath. 
Sheep, cows, people, chickens, everything is crushed under its weight. 
No one can avoid looking up when it is below tree will fall over my ?, we ask everyone. 

I do not usually leave home frequently and the two trees that had compared the viewpoint of felled two years ago caused me sad to see how the sawed and left the stump ground. 
Today almost glad I not see them, would fear to fall against the glass and produce one mess. 
Just as well, wait, do not go, no explanation will I tell myself. 

The wait in vain because they do not have and can not give it, and the phenomenon of falling trees is spreading outside the cities, it spreads the field, other countries and the terror of such a global and inexplicable tragedy begins to spread throughout all regions of the planet. 
This arborea slaughter is warning us a catastrophe near where the land protest the unnatural human intrusion ?.  
overcrowding in the cities, the annihilation of millions of plants by the inhuman and unnatural asphalt highways, roads and streets massive populations no longer respect the land or the animals, and natural grass is even eliminated and replaced by a mass green report that mimics the inimitable nature. 
widespread alarm is what is occurring in the absence of a reasonable explanation. 

It's not natural, it is a disease that attacks the whole the forest in the world and is decimating the forest stand ?, is the question being asked in the media, talk shows, and even within families.  

As old trees can fall leaving their roots exposed, the raised land and dread of anyone who sees or hears rumblings by large unexplained collapse for rural people and the city. 

It is advertised with these facts ?. 

try to reassure saying stop, which is transient, there is no evidence of such a fact and due to the lack of judgment or scientific evidence to support the theory of tree disease people speculate, media speculate, and terror spreads like a wildfire that is flooding the earth as they fall ancient giants that nothing had affected them before. 
Some announces the end of the world and proclaim that we prepare for total disaster, extinction of life on Earth. 
They invent nonexistent sentences of Scripture, and we come out anywhere prophets. 

"They will come evils that ravage the land "and  
Armageddon foretold in the Bible is what comes to every mind. 

Constantly theories or threats will evolve as this natural disaster are heard. We ask that i maginemos to trees falling because no longer find the right environment for their development. They fall endlessly, first in one area of the world, as is the case, then in all other places, no region or country is exempt and finally not be a single tree in the entire globe. 
The living beings need those trees will go extinct with them. 

We ourselves need trees to purify the atmosphere, breathing, and experts on duty wonder: how would last the required oxygen for millions of beings that inhabit this planet ?.  

Impossible to conceive life for birds, squirrels, human beings and all kinds of animals that need forest cover to survive, to breathe, to hedge the relentless sunshine, for rain, for the waters were going regenerating. 

Who would be in the world? Hard to imagine. 
No showers, no plants, no animals, how long would have to go to the absolute and utter desolation from seizing the whole earth. 

Not really very little, and those who were surviving devour their own by not having to eat. 
The marshes would go dry, the rivers would cease to flow, and the burning thirst would be relentless. 
Finally death for almost all living things that depend on the forest, rain, water, and oxygen. 

Possibly roaches, and other insects could survive? 
Who knows, but it is likely that these beings also need trees to devour their leaves, lay eggs, flee the cold or extreme heat, especially breathing. 

That alternative would seek to survive and be the only living a withered and desolate land ?. 

In the absence of insectivorous birds, insects per million would propagate at least for now, making it impossible to end up with all different kind of existence. And so the speculation continue of so-called experts that we are already putting the willies. 
Fear spreads everything begins to be chaotic, everyone tries to dig in their homes, ensuring their lives, pursued strictly necessary and little else.Deaths crushing counted as thousands.  
At first succored the wounded, collected the dead beneath the branches, and is not given a rough and nobody dares to penetrate in a wooded area. 
The bodies of animals and humans rot under the branches and the smell is irresistible. 

Like land mines scattered that explode when stepped on, the trees fall without warning crushing everything around them.

Some flee to open, clear, even desert terrain, but food become scarce, roads are impassable with thousands, millions of fallen trees that prevent it passing through them.

Just going through fields not possible scarce supplies to keep poorly stocked populations, and nobody thinks anything but survive the unknown and wait, wait it all happen. Han finished the contests for whoever cares to make war when everything seems to be destroyed. 
All this is mere speculation to something that is happening in my city. 
Dozens of branches have fallen this summer, have been killed two or three people, trees collapsing suddenly without knowing why and town hall promises to review the hundreds of thousands of trees growing in Madrid. 

Someone may think that this review can be done ?. 
I doubt it, and I think we should care much our environment or other generations will live situations impossible to conceive. 

Sleep well, without nightmares, and look up when riding under the trees.
I decide to go out, it's been two months since my last break and hardly get stock in the house, my Gatufo is running out of your food and continually laments.

The poor cat understands nothing of what happens. My wife begs me not to leave, have much fear of what might happen to me, and prefers to be consumed without food before losing me.

She can not move, he is in a wheelchair and needs someone to push, help you join if you want sit elsewhere and can hardly be standing.

We rationed food to the absolute limits but is over.
There is no catastrophic speculation in the media. 
They have been controlled by the governments and the army is responsible to follow the necessary guidelines for do not panic.

We control everything, supermarkets, communications, some roads cleaned by removing thousands of trees to prevent the passage of trucks with supplies.
There cabinets crisis everywhere who strive to tackle the environmental catastrophe that involves loss of forests.

They do not tell us what will happen in the jungles of the Amazon and the like that are the lungs of the planet.
Terror is generally the army circulates through the streets of Madrid and tries to control that no looting or rioting .

I'm in the street and the view is bleak. No where some trees not being fallen having crushed cars, structures, roofs and producing countless casualties among unsuspecting pedestrians.
No bodies, have been withdrawing in the absence of physical danger of landslides, is not tree standing, and there more than danger of epidemics. 
Nothing says the number of casualties among the population they do not want to panic even bigger than it already is. 

Where I go ?, I think, the best approach to any known supermarkets. 
The first is open guarded by police, an endless line of people throng to get going. 
The line of people goes around the entire block, and large posters announcing that must be the ID of the relatives or units who live in one floor to deliver foods that are logically and rationed.

The order exists, at least for now, and that reassures me.
I call my wife on the phone and tell him what I've seen, I tell him to stay quiet, I'll take a long because I have to wait in line, and all is well then take the DNI yours and mine. 

He tells me not to worry about her, which is fine, and wait all it takes.

With patience I put in the row, pull my kindle and start reading trying to calm my spirits.
No whether to buy food Gatufo have to carry a document proving their identity and who lives with us.
If I can not have to share with ours, not there will be no problem.
In row I notice that there are all kinds of people, seniors, young men and women sometimes in pairs, almost everyone is silent or try to hear news on the radio.
The police and army have imposed a great respect, the order is saved and there, to my knowledge any kind of tumult.
When panic started if there was, then European governments were taking joint action and order was recovered in the streets.

Now people shut up and whispers quietly updated that often never be true.
Come filtered by governments and actually say nothing about what is going on.

How far the plague of "áboles and scrub Fallen" comes?. There is no comments, found some remedy or explanation ?. Nor is discussed.
Only regional or national news are given, what happens in European countries who suffer the same consequences and take similar measures than us.

There is a large cabinet crisis in Brussels, which dictates the rules of what needs to be done in different countries of the Union.
Nothing is said or says, secrecy is total.

It is possible to treat a general stampede that does not occur, fleeing the desolate areas of the European continent and marching by plane or any other means of transport to areas that have been spared the tragedy of trees.
There will be no ?, I wonder, or this is absolutely global.
I do not know, no one around me knows, but imagine or desire to think not, the consequences would be too horrible at short notice.

We do not see anyone out, so will the other door, that way we do not know what they take.

Presumably as they pass
the first row supplies are They are ending. Nobody can control stocks if they know how many people will go to buy them.
I've listed what we need, I have always taken before and now with more reason. 
The review mentally not think of anything. 
I try not to talk with anyone and hear what others discussed.
Fear is what allowed understand all conversations. There is no possible explanation for what is happening, and the spectacle of all the trees that were in the walk, lying on the ground is not a reassuring image.
Han section which was in the driveway but almost no cars. People begin to save fuel for fear of what is to come.  
And that's the big question we all ask, when will it stop this ?, we will see in a month or even next week ?. It will all like, controlled, or we'll be in chaos ?.

Prefer not to speculate in my head but it's inevitable. When under the Guadia apocalyptic thoughts come to my mind and stroke plans to address the catastrophe. 
I can not think of anything, I have no car, my wife is almost incapacitated, can not walk, barely sit up, where I or I do if all worse ?. Again I say to myself, better not think about it, lives today, now faces what you have to do tomorrow is another day with other problems that have to be solved.

That's it, no more, many plans you want to do forever actually be another different than you thought or expected.
The entrance door is still closer, I look at the clock, the time has passed ?. Two hours, has not been too and even thought it would be more.
It's a bad sign, I think again helplessly, is a clear proof that food is finished and people take less because hardly can be anything.

Shut up, do not think me tell you, you have already begun again assume the worst.

But it is true, check it as I enter, the shelves are nearly empty, and as I get to where they collect the notes of what we want take will crossing more half of what I had written.
I bring rice, some milk, beans, pasta, soap, eggs, and little else.
No vegetables, no fruit, no fish, no meat, no cheese, barely oil or sugar, I get a bottle and a kilo only, nor are potatoes, total not know how we will arrange for a week.

It's what they tell me, I sealed a role in specifying what I wear, date, and my next supply can do in a week. He is recorded on the computer and say clearly "do not try to go to another supermarket" because it is prohibited by a recent law. 
If I try to do can stop and no longer give me more supplies. 
I'm overwhelmed, this is much worse than I thought it is not surprising that we leave for another heavily guarded door and indicate that there we comment anything to anyone about everything we've been told.
People waiting outside could mutiny and could cause an uproar, but it is what it is and thanks to the ration to reach as many people.

I also start to feel fear, fear of what is to come and a cold sweat begins to flow from my forehead.  
That'll give a Gatufo, rice ?, a bit of sausage, cooked ham that he likes, but is a product expires, then ?.

Before I head out to one of the managers to distribute what they have adjusted and ask if they have food cat.
I feel relieved when I said yes, to teach primer Pussycat, looks, seals, and leaves. 
Comes with a bag of food, not too big, and some cans.
For a week, I said before can not come so ration the cat everything you can.
Gatufo is saved, breathe and calm down, at least the cat will eat and good news.
In silence I go to the supermarket and trying to almost hide the products will looking at either side fearful that can steal me.
What can I do if that happens?
The fear among those who hope chewing enter the supermarket, speaking softly we do not want to unnerve the soldiers or police watching us with perverse face and guard the line.
We do not see anyone out, so will the other door, that way we do not know what they take.

It is assumed that as they pass
the first row supplies will running out. Nobody can control stocks if they know how many people will go to buy them.
I've listed what we need, I have always taken before and now with more reason. 
The review mentally not think of anything. 
I try not to talk with anyone and hear what others discussed.
Fear is what allowed understand all conversations. There is no possible explanation for what is happening, and the spectacle of all the trees that were in the walk, lying on the ground is not a reassuring image.
Han section which was in the driveway but almost no cars. People begin to save fuel for fear of what is to come.

And that's the big question we all ask, when will it stop this ?, we will see in a month or even next week ?. It will all like, controlled, or we'll be in chaos ?.
Prefer not to speculate in my head but it's inevitable. When under guard apocalyptic thoughts come to my mind and outline plans to cope with the disaster. 
I can not think of anything, I have no car, my wife is almost incapacitated, can not walk, barely sit up, where I go or I do if all worse ?. Again I say to myself, better not think about it, lives today, now faces what you have to do tomorrow is another day with other problems that have to be solved.

That's it, no more, many plans you want to do forever actually be another different than you thought or expected.
The entrance door is still closer, I look at the clock, the time has passed ?. Two hours, has not been too and even thought it would be more.
It's a bad sign, I think again helplessly, is a clear proof that food is finished and people take less because hardly can be anything.
Calla, do not think me tell you, you have already begun again assume the worst.
But it is true, check it as I enter, the shelves are nearly empty, and as I get to where they collect the notes of what we want take will crossing more half of what I had written.

I bring rice, some milk, beans, pasta, soap, eggs, and little else.
No vegetables, no fruit, no fish, no meat, no cheese, barely oil or sugar, I get a bottle and a kilo only, nor are potatoes, total not know how we will arrange for a week.

It's what they tell me, I sealed a role in specifying what I wear, date, and my next supply can do in a week. He is recorded on the computer and say clearly "do not try to go to another supermarket" because it is prohibited by a recent law. 
If I try to do can stop and no longer give me more supplies.
I'm overwhelmed, this is much worse than I thought it is not surprising that we leave for another heavily guarded door and indicate that there we comment anything to anyone about everything we've been told.

People waiting outside could mutiny and could cause an uproar, but it is what it is and thanks to the ration to reach as many people.

I also start to feel fear, fear of what is to come and a cold sweat begins to flow from my forehead.  
That'll give a Gatufo, rice ?, a bit of sausage, cooked ham that he likes, but is a product expires, then ?.

Before I head out to one of the managers to distribute what they have adjusted and ask if they have food cat.
I feel relieved when I said yes, to teach primer Pussycat, looks, seals, and leaves. 
Comes with a bag of food, not too big, and some cans.
For a week, I said before can not come so ration the cat everything you can.
Gatufo is saved, breathe and calm down, at least the cat will eat and good news.

In silence I go to the supermarket and trying to almost hide the products will looking at either side fearing that they might rob me.

What I can do if that happens?
My friend is waiting outside, stuck to its website, is ahead when he sees me putting a face of great surprise.
Do not dare ask anything, but then I present to Gloria and little, I explain briefly what has them happened.

Then tells us to enter and open way home, we, Gloria and child are seen visibly tired.

Inside your house does sit Gloria and small, will take some refreshments and nibbles. Best if you have a few snacks, I tell him, are hungry.
When they are served, Juan puts a soft music and takes me to his bedroom.
Silently tells me what he knows listening to shortwave radio. 
He speaks English and French fluently and understands the talk stations overseas in half the world.
The situation is very bad in all places that I could access the radio. 
The disaster is general, and in the northern countries where forests were the tonic landscape there is almost no standing.
It's such chaos follows, by road or rail does not get anywhere. They communicate by air or boat, but they run out of fuel and do not know what to do.

If you want to clear roads end with no reservations and guaranteed to restore vital ways to deliver fuel from refineries. Nor that they can bring food from stores, harvesters can not collect anything or sow, everything is impracticable.
He continues telling what he has heard, and continues,  will gather experts worldwide in undisclosed location, their greatest fear is that the atmosphere is deteriorating and will come a time when you can not breathe.
They talk about sacrifice almost all live cattle consume too much oxygen as necessary for humans, and then we'll no meat, which is not a viable solution.
What to do then expect? and in the end it is all over ?. Neither does it seem right, but who decides what is feasible or not, not knowing if what is happening and what is the reason.
You'll hear for yourself, tell me, in the apparatus shortwave have prepared.

And with these two poor you brought, you're going to do ?.
I took them home, I can not leave again in the street, is greater than my conscience do such a thing.
I've already decided.

It uncle, whatever you say, but you get into a major conflict. Ya know that rationed food, and soon rationed many other things that we have no idea.

Okay, John, soon I'll see what I do, now come home with me.
Take the apparatus shortwave Protect them and wish you success.
Thanks John, you're a friend, I take care and I am out. 
I do not want to end up in your pantry, they are hungry.

Shortly after we left the house, Gloria and son washing consciousness have, have brushed their clothes and their faces are not so pale. The color returned to her cheeks.
A good step not headed toward home, we have an hour and a half away and do not want to worry more about my wife.

We have to take the child turns, the poor can no more and no way of if not reach on foot.
The small case where I have the radio goes practically welded to my hand. Do not let them take him away if not dragging me with him, I trust not.
I wish like never arrive and be next to Maria, and my cat, sure hope and with real anguish.

We walked, walked, without stop. I go before pointing the way and try not to go too fast for Gloria when you bring your child up.
I'm surprised the strength she has when it comes to taking your child.
To my grieves me much, I guess that she has to Although much more, but not complaining, I'll have to almost start arms to replace the weight of poor kid.
From time to time we put on the floor and the child walks for a while without speaking. It says nothing, is silent no matter what. 
Almost reaching my street witnessed a horrible event. 
There is a group of people staring at the floor, police kept them away from what look like two rickety snowmen on the pavement. 

I Fixed better as we get closer and see with horror that two elderly espachurrados the ground. As discussed were thrown from one of the balconies holding hands, and there are like broken puppets, surrounded by bright red all over the place.

Do not look tell Gloria too late, she is disengaged and cover the face of her son .
Let Gloria, we must continue, and we need very little to get.
It's horrible, how can they have done ?.

Could not tell you, you have to be in the skin of one's life to know what you feel and despair removed you can have that person.
These elders should be very frightened, without resources, without hope, like others, and have chosen to stop suffering.
A jump, do not know if pain, and it's over in a flash, I can not comment and I appreciate the decision they have taken.
Come on, please, fast everything you're almost at my house. 
I took your son, I do not think I've seen anything and it's hard to understand it if has been there fallen, do not think the poor than it is already more traumatized.

We went into my website, and then open the door of the house, the voice of my wife greets me as he always does when I arrive. So he is right, that everything is as I left, and before seeing me going and reassuring.
I bring company, I say after hello, you'll now see a young girl and her child.

I think my wife and nothing surprises about me, presenting me with a strange and his son is not new person, but I think when you know who stays with us if that is going to miss him.

We went into the room, and presented to Maria, the child and his mother .
They greet, look, and Gloria apologizes for being in the house, tells him that I insisted to accompany me.
Gatufo, as he always does before strangers, gone.
They like them both, I notice immediately, they will not have problems when I start to tell my wife what happened to the girl and her son, her face is changing and a look of tenderness and compassion extends away from his face.
Of course you stay with us, we have room and if I had not done with his words the issue is settled and I tell them I apologize. I have to leave you because I'll put the radio that John has left me.
I go and leave you alone, the child is attached to his mother and says nothing, not even when Maria smiles and tells him to go to his side.

I can hardly tune in a station you hear well, so get it and there is a good sign, I remember my friend and thank him mentally.
They relay in English, American insurance are identified as Voice of America, and if, they are. On the Internet I have heard many times.
It is not a teaching class, give news, tremendous and discouraging news.
An announcer says that "everything is getting worse" because there are countries that have exhausted their resources and no one can help.
Mention regions of South Asia with hundreds of millions of people who have used all their reserves and where people are dying of hunger and thirst for tens of thousands.
Many other parts of the world are alike have exhausted their resources and there is hope that they can be helped.
Europe, US and other first world countries do not want to exhaust its aircraft fuel or send food that may require its citizens.

It has rained very little after the fall of billions of trees and it is feared that the water cycle is interrupted, experts say. If this happens can give by extinct in a short period of time. 
The picture he paints these people can not be worse, I tell myself, no wonder they close communications because everything would rapidly deteriorate and people flee in panic Looking nobody knows that.
There would be riots, lynchings, murders, people ruthless trying to grab what they could.
Neither the Civil Guard, nor the army would contain the wave of
people to the brink of despair.  
I turn off the device shortwave after nearly an hour to hear this kind of news

are at home, I feel very tired, I lean back in the chair and my mind begins to wander the edge of sleep.
My eyes just closed, thoughts of what has been my life so far crowd in an instant.
I remember in my youth were always on the brink of nuclear disaster.
Russians and Americans were in possession of ballistic missiles, plenty of them, loaded with nuclear warheads capable of destroying the earth dozens of times.
The idea was and is terrifying though we can not imagine a mass suicide such for the human race.
It is not stated, it is not discussed, not reported, but the weapons are there.
Today they are not only two countries who are in possession of them . They are a dozen or more that is known, those who have the ultimate weapon, "The ring of power" we could call it that would destroy the planet several times.
Even today it is feared that the end of the world comes from the hand of man, a war devastating and end, is what has been written, has been fictionalized and even there have been countless movies about it.

I am accustomed, like all my generation, to live in a world threatened by nuclear energy in all its forms.
I never imagined achieve this, simply groves began to disappear without anyone knowing why.
And the end of the world as we know it may come from the same land we inhabit, tired of being assaulted, the poisoning of the water, its atmosphere by the irresponsible and predatory human action. 
If the situation was not hopeless would your moral.
There will be moral if everything is destroyed and man disappears from this suffering planet.
I wake up, that I'm thinking, I say.
¿ Your child has to do with what is happening right now ?.
Nothing, I think, and I return to relax without realizing that memories flood my head again.

I have some cold lying on the couch, I get up for something to linger over. The two women are chatting, seems to get along well I think, and I return to my memories.
Again awake, the reality sets in, am I asleep or just remembered another time ?. 
Will we primers and rationing facing shortages
coming ?. Stop ramble, I say, get going now. 

In the room my wife and Gloria are downcast and very quiet. 
Hey, is something wrong? wonder. 

He has stopped working television, no tune no chain, and are alarmed. 

It's not good news, what is the point of the TV stops broadcasting ?. 

It may be a technical or maintenance failure, I that, I do not understand anything about telecommunications. 

Suddenly again no signal appears a known speaker and apologizes for the cut in emissions due to technical problems says. 

His words relieve stress and as fools remain attentive to what is said.

will continue in What to think?.

To be continued.....

AT NIGHT ALONE

When we are alone, no TV, no computer, no radio, alone with ourselves, do we think ?.

Do we really think on our way of living?

We reflect on the life we live, what we do, what we would do with that life that we will, one day less to live, a night that does not return, and so one more day after another.
What we can do to improve it? to be more happy? To give happines to our relatives, Friends or family?

Do we face our reality or just turn off the TV after living lives and stories of others, and immerse ourselves in bed thinking about the day of tomorrow, that's over the weekend, and it will be Monday morning?.
Or pissed we are with this, with that, because we do not work or we explode for other questions that diturb our way of doing our will?

Point, nothing more, and so until when?, until the end?, I wonder.

What did I do to improve my life as a person ?, could we ask ourselves.
And not about making more money, or work less, not to have or not have it, whether or not to go on vacation, if you lose or not lose work, whether I like this or that, if my children do not give me respite, what miserable or unhappy that I am, if no one understands me and so a string of complaints or regrets.

No, that is not the question about ourselves.

The real subject could be:
What have I done or do I with my life?

Do you understand  yourself? Really, I do understand me, my life, your life my friend?

Honestly most of the time I do not understand mine. I do not understand my spending plan, or what I do to be more or less happy, I do not understand what I'm doing with my life, let alone understand those around me if I just do not find my balance.

That could be a reflection, or just the opposite, I do what  makes me happy?, so I improve or not?, depriving these vagaries?, talking more with my partner or my children?.

I sharing, understanding, being humble, from this moment, make peace with this or that.

That is the question that I, we, should meditate from time to time.
Just when we are alone, in silence, without anything but entertain in the evening when the day is over.

Today would do, right now why I write and I wonder if I do agree with my life.

Do I like?
Can I change it?
Can not I and continue as before?
Am I good with my partner?
Would you like to be alone?
Accompanied by another person?

Is there anyone that these questions be done once
a month?

I'm not in the mind of you but sometimes I doubt that we consider our lives honestly, without fear of facing ourselves.

Goodnight and better dreams.

el gatufo

CHARLAS CON CUCA 2

Un lunes genial, nuestro día, con una temperatura cálida en Madrid pero sin exagerar y disfrutando de la brisa, del sonido de las hojas con el viento, el sol que no quema , y la proximidad de la Sierra de Guadarrama.
Madrid lo tiene casi todo aunque lo mas significativo es su cielo azul profundo y la claridad del día en cuanto sales de la gran ciudad.

La delicia de estar junto a Cuca es total, nadie en las proximidades pues es hora de la merienda y nosotros que nos la saltamos tenemos el enorme jardían para nosotros solos y los gatos que se mueven perezosamente bajo las sobras o el sol, a su capricho que suele ser a veces incomprensible.

El tono distendido y jovial de nuestras charlas hacen que podamos hablar en la práctica de todo.

La amistad es fundamental para ello que no solo el amor y menos todavia la pasión que tiende a producir conflictos y malos entendidos en las parejas.

No me canso de ver a Cuca charlando, y prefiero grabarla siempre a ella aunque sea yo quien habla.


Un día bonito al lado del ser amado.  


el gatufo

NO HAY PALABRAS

No hay palabras para definir a mi gato, simplemente es adorable
y su compañía me va salvado muchos días de cierta tristeza lógica y 
natural por no tener conmigo a Cuca.

Gracias minino llamado gatufo, eres hoy por hoy quien me hace compañía y me das tu preciosa presencia llena de juegos, maullidos
y reclamaciones.

Simplemente te quiero gato.